Be Still, My Heart

From the moment that she opened her eyes, Lyonesse knew something was wrong.  She sat up in the darkness, heart still racing, and glanced over at her clock.

3:19.

It must have been a bad dream.  You’ve been having quite a lot of those lately…it was only a bad dream.

But try as she might to convince herself, she knew it wasn’t true.  Something was wrong.

Her head felt like lead and she couldn’t breathe through her nose or smell anything, as stuffed as it was.  She crept out of bed, disentangling herself from two girls she knew hadn’t been there when she’d gone to sleep.  Snowtips sighed and moved into the warm spot she left behind and a muffled snore and mutter told her that Nilaya was the other culprit.

Poor Nils and Snow White…it must have been the thunderstorm that bothered them.  She knew full well that scents and sounds seemed to magnify for a theris, whether in form or not.  She used to love staying up and watching the storm…now she wasn’t quite as keen about them.

She ran her fingers through her curls, trying to tame them and felt her clothes absent-mindedly.  She had only a dark tank-top and some pajama bottoms on, but they would have to do.  Besides, she didn’t really think she’d be meeting anyone anyway.  It was past the middle of the night, the storm should have blown itself out by now—which meant that most everyone should be catching the rest of their well-deserved sleep—and the Den was quiet.

Too quiet.

Her heart quickened as she crept down the hall with cat-like tread.  Most of the rooms housing occupants had slightly open doors this time of night—it wasn’t uncommon for several people to change rooms in just a few hours, especially when the air around them was so unsettling.

When it came to storms, none of them felt right.  Lyonesse supposed it was just the extra senses of their animal forms connected to the nature around them.

She passed Bastet’s room and peeked in.  Her friend lay curled on her side, a sleeping falcon on her bedpost and a chipmunk, a puppy, and two cats sleeping by her side.  Lyonesse thought she even detected a small glint of red shell nestled in the dark hair splayed across the pillow.

Lyonesse smiled and continued on, stopping at all the other rooms.  She passed the less cuddly members of the Pack sleeping by themselves, some in human form, some in animal.  There was even a fox and a coyote curled up together, on an empty shelf in the library, of all places.  Soon, she had covered the whole top floor, a tally in her head and pretty sure she hadn’t missed anyone.

Everyone was where they should be—except for the unlikely four doing the night-rounds.  She would hate to be them at the moment, patrolling during a storm…but then, she’d had to do it more than her fair share of times herself, since she never could seem to sleep through them.

Besides, this is Colorado we’re talking about.  And right beside the Rockies, no less.  She rolled her eyes.  They could have picked a better spot…

She crept down the stairs, remembering just a few weeks before when Perry had changed forms at the top of them, then tripped and fell the rest of the way.

There are times when I wonder if he’s really human, she thought as she surveyed the messy living room, Or some odd-looking life from another planet, brought here on a spaceship complete with Big Bird costumes.

Chuckling, she picked her way across the room, careful not to make any noise.  The feeling that she had earlier had gone away, thank goodness, and she started to think that it had been just a bad dream after all.

The rest of the rooms downstairs were likewise undisturbed, and she didn’t see any sort of animal stirring, not even Clowd or Liam…

Ah, getting literal, are we?  All right, then…

‘Twas the night before Sunday, when all through the Den-house,

Not a theri was stirring, not even a theri-mouse.

All the messes had been left out for the lion to clean,

And she wasn’t too happy, nor was she too keen.

The theris were nestled, all snug in their forms,

While visions of Fox-Flinging drowned out the storm.

And I in my tank-top and silky blue pants

Had just crept into the kitchen, and spotted some sugar ants…

She scowled in their direction as they walked back and forth, to and fro between a left out potato chip and a teeny hole above the counter.  “Go away, you.  Shoo!  You’re ruining my story too…”

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

But I didn’t move for I knew what was the matter.

The lightning, it flashed, and the deep thunder roared,

The wind, it blew heavily at the raindrops it poured.

She smiled, quite pleased with herself for finding so many words to rhyme.  Other than the ants, the kitchen was likewise undisturbed and a small light in the corner casting a glow into the room saved her from having to snack in the dark.

Mmm.  Mom always said that the best cure for a dark and rainy night was sitting beside a friend and drinking hot, minty chocolate.

Not that she had a friend to sit with at the moment.  But thanks to their latest shipment, a cup of hot cocoa was coming right up…

She hummed under her breath as she heated up the water.  It was an almost forgotten song from a movie as old as her grandfather.  She began to sing softly, thinking about the song to fit her own self, and every other theri out there.

They think we don’t feel pain like they do…she thought, waiting for the water to boil.  They think that we’re singing laments like the Scarecrow and the Tin Man because we want to be like them…

She scowled.

“When a man’s an empty kettle,

He should be on his mettle,

And yet I’m torn apart…

Just because I’m presumin’

I could be another human, if…

I only had a heart.”

Lyonesse put a hand over her own heart, feeling it beat reassuringly back to her.  When she was little, she always had to have her hand at her chest so she could feel it.  Her father used to think there was something wrong with her, like she could feel something wasn’t right when she did this.  He even went so far as to check her into the hospital so that they could perform a special exam to make sure her heart was the right size and she wasn’t having any complications.

Truthfully, though, she had always felt comfort in rhythm, and in beat.  Back home, she would play her metronome all night, just listening to it tock back and forth, back and forth…and the grandfather clock had always been her favorite, watching the pendulum swing…and when she used to play her violin, oft times she would fit the tune to the beating of her heart, keeping her calm and paced…

So, yes.  I am human.  I do have a heart, contrary to popular belief.  Now a brain, however, is another matter entirely…

She snickered, then heard a slow moan as the Den creaked under the buffets of the wind.  It was very dark outside, save the flashes of lightning every few minutes, illuminating the rain-drenched ground.  She felt a pang, thinking about the four patrolling, glad that she wasn’t out in that, but knowing that she really should do something about that.

I hope Nanuq is all right out there…she couldn’t help worrying.  It stood to reason that, since his form was easily the biggest out of all of theirs, she would worry the least about him, and more about someone much smaller and more preyed upon.

Unfortunately, reason had butted heads with her more than once.

Lyonesse was just sweeping a few crumbs on the counter into her hand when she heard a sound.  She stopped humming at once and froze, ears pricked, listening intently, her lion senses ever alert…

The air was cold around her—she could feel a draft coming from the kitchen window and shivered, when she heard it again.

There.  It was a hissing sound.  Her body tensed, ready to change into her form with record timing.  It sounded as if it was coming from—

She looked and bit back a sigh of relief, kicking herself mentally for her stupidity.  Her pot of water was boiling and seething, revealing the face behind the mask.  Honestly, getting so worked up over some hot water…

Taking it off the stove, she poured it into her cup and stirred in the chocolate, not trusting herself to start humming again.

Then the light flickered and died, plunging her into total darkness.

At once, the bad feeling flooded back into her and her hands began to shake.  Something isn’t right, something isn’t right, it wasn’t a dream, it’s real, and it doesn’t feel right and I don’t know what it is and I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me!

She panicked, eyes scanning the dark kitchen, jumping at the slightest sound.  Lightning flashed and she freaked out before realizing that the dark shadow in the corner was just that—a shadow.

Forcing her feelings down, she berated herself for feeling this way.  She couldn’t afford to freak out like she used to before she changed.  Bastet had taught her self-control and she had mastered it long ago.  At least…she thought she had…

She felt like she was a little girl again, hearing about her parents’ deaths, screaming in her grandfather’s arms, fear tearing her apart, eating her, devouring her alive…

STOP it! she screamed, holding her head.  I can’t do this again, I can’t!  They need me, I can’t break down, I have to get a grip on myself, I can’t let that fear control me like it used to!  If something happens, if anything happens, I have to keep myself under control.  I can’t do this to them, I can’t do this to myself…they need me…

She took a deep breath, then another.  It was going away…she felt calmer, more assured, more focused…She reached for her cocoa, breathing in the fresh mint that reminded her of Grandfather and could always calm her down…

There.  She was calm now.  She opened up her mind, her senses, everything that made her a lioness theri, even when she was in human form.  The kitchen opened up to her, in a night-vision-type way.  There was nothing there.  She couldn’t sense anything.  Her lion’s sense of smell was much stronger than her own human one, allergies or no.

There is nothing wrong in here.  Everything is all right, she told herself.  You’ve made the inner rounds and checked all of the rooms…everything is where it should be, everyone is where they should be…everyone except Nanuq, Aquila, Smudge and Mesi, that is…Now, you thought the storm had died down, but it seemed to just be a lull, and when these occur, everything strikes back harder than before.  So you have a storm that will probably keep you awake, sentries that might need to be replaced before it starts back up again, a nose that can’t smell worth a damn, a head made of lead, and now we don’t have any light.

And I don’t even know if I’m trying to calm myself down or work myself up, here.

She closed her senses and could feel once more her stuffy nose and plugged head.  Taking a sip, she glanced out the window and watched the trees rustling and blowing every which way.

There was an eerie whistling through the cracks that told her the window wasn’t even shut tight.  Somebody left it open a few inches.  If a theri was able to sneak past the sentries somehow, there was no telling what could happen…

Sighing angrily, she leaned over to close it, securing it tightly and pounding it shut for good measure.  A whiff of scent caught her senses, both lion and human.  She felt a creepy sensation, and that scent became more than just a something carried on the wind.  It smelled…cold, almost, or wet.  Or…

She heard the hissing again, and this time there was no mistaking what was making it or where it was coming from.  Lyonesse froze, not daring to move a muscle, hearing it move across the floor.  The horrible hissing was right behind her and if she so much as twitched…

Then there came a new sound that turned her blood to ice.  Footsteps, and a girl’s voice.  “Lyonesse, what’re you…”

Lyonesse whirled around, her breath caught in her throat, ready to scream, to tell Nuala to look out, to change forms, to grab a weapon…she didn’t know what.

But she certainly wasn’t ready for what did happen.

The mug in her hands slipped and fell to the floor, shattering with an ear-splitting crash.  Right in front of the large, five-foot snake on the kitchen floor.  Shards flew, Nuala shrieked and jumped backwards, the snake lunged, and Lyonesse felt a sharp stabbing pain in her ankle.

She screamed and heard it turn into a roar as all of her senses collided into each other.  She started changing at an alarming rate, human eyes closed in pain, lion claws unsheathed and slashing, lips bared back over human teeth, her tail whipping back as she caught her prey…

And then she was fully in form, her senses kicking into high gear.  Nuala wasn’t there any more, Lyonesse assumed she had run for help, but that didn’t matter.  All she could focus on was the fact that there was a threat in the Den, that it had already attacked, and that she couldn’t let it hurt anyone else.

Fear.  She could smell fear and hate and rage and revenge, but mostly fear, breathing it, tasting it, living it.

The snake lashed around, trying to wrap its coils around a weaker spot, still trying to bite her, trying to sink it’s fangs into her flesh once more.

Lyonesse dodged and wrestled with the longer body, clawing at it, scratching, biting.  Once, she was able to kick it from her, but it launched towards her again, hissing and spitting and climbing up her body, wrapping around her chest and her throat and she couldn’t breathe…she couldn’t breathe…

Footsteps pounded and she could hear people talking, girls screaming, as the Pack came into the kitchen.  There was a commotion but she couldn’t focus, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t concentrate.

There was another roar, weaker this time, that ended in a strangled human scream.  Her claws turned into fingernails, her golden fur that was starting to stain with blood changed back into torn pajamas.

But she could breathe for one blessed moment.  The snake’s coils that had been tight over a lion’s neck needed some time to tighten again over a smaller, thinner one.  She tried to get a hand in between her skin and the theri’s, to provide some room before it tightened again, but the snake, angry at the people and it’s thrashing prey, refused to let go.

Someone grabbed a knife of the counter and tried to slash at it, others tried to get closer and pry her out of the deathly grip, but it’s head was still free and it tried to shoot it’s venom out at whoever got near.

Her hands flew to her neck, tugging, scratching, tearing, but the snake was too strong…her blood was pounding in her ears, the veins in her neck were popping from the pressure…

She stopped writhing, finally surrendering to the powerful grip.  She couldn’t do it any more…she couldn’t get free…she was going to die…

Her eyes focused once more and a glint caught her eye, just beside the wall.  Her hand reached towards it, stretching, stretching…there.

Her fingers grasped the sharp glass piece and she brought it swiftly down.  It went right into the snake’s skull and dug into the floor, blood dripping down the shard and her hands.  The snake stopped thrashing and twitching and the grip loosened…

Hands tore the snake’s corpse away from her chest and unwrapped it’s body from her neck, providing the smallest room for her to breathe at last…

Air swum around her.  She could hear people talking, but none of it made any sense.  She tried opening her eyes, but nothing came into focus.  All she could see were dark shapes and blurs.

She held her neck, trying to soothe the pain, coughing, gasping, wheezing, every breath hurt, but she didn’t care, she was alive, she could breathe again.  She struggled to sit up but someone forced her to lie back down and she could feel nice, cold hands on her face.  Images, voices, scents, sounds…they swam before her, inside of her, around her…

They grew softer then stronger, in and out, like the waves on the shore or the signal of a radio trying to find a better station…

Aha…’ve got it…

Her senses hit her all at once and she could see the kitchen floor quite clearly, covered with shards of glass and smears of blood.  The snake’s…her’s…

People were talking, some angrily and other quietly.  She could hear footsteps around her, then a quiet voice saying, “We’re going to move you now, okay, Lyonesse?  We need to make sure you don’t have any glass on you.”

She would have nodded, but it hurt too much, and her approval wasn’t needed, apparently.  Strong arms picked her up and carried her to the couch and most of the voices grew quieter as she was being moved further away.  She had feeling in her body again, but the pain doubled and she bit her lip to keep from crying out.

She could hear the people in the kitchen clearly now.  Bastet was talking in undertones to Ayatzi, Yo-yo was sweeping up the glass, Beowulf was examining the dead snake.

No.  The dead theri.

That I killed.

Her breathing quickened.  The talk in the kitchen grew louder again, and Lyonesse wished her ears could stop playing this bloody game of peek-a-boo.  She could hear Nuala crying, and Nanuq cursing, and Perry trying to usher people away from the crowded kitchen.

She moved ever so slightly and something in the corner caught her eye.  It glimmered in the flickering glow from the candles Brushy lit.

The door opened and Mesi rushed inside, an unconscious eagle and cat in her arms.  Rain swirled around her and blew into the Den.  Everyone else gathered around Aquila and Smudge to see what was wrong with them.

Nobody noticed her creeping off the couch and walking slowly over to the dark corner, breathing heavily, wincing with every step.  She hesitated, then picked up the shredded snake skin.  It was silky in her hands and so long that it trailed to the floor.

But she was looking at something else.  Dark markings scribbled onto the gossamer-white snake skin.  Lyonesse held it up to the candle-light and read its message.

YOU HAVE TURNED ME INTO A MONSTER.  I WILL MAKE YOU PAY.

Lyonesse felt her face drain and she gasped.  She dropped the snake-skin and the familiar writing and back herself into a wall.

“No!” she whispered.  “No, no, no, no, no…”

She felt a jab of pain shoot up through her leg and cried out.  The skin around her ankle wa turning a sick-looking yellow and, in the middle, there were two small holes.

She felt her legs go numb as her knees buckled.  Realization hit her as she felt herself falling to the floor for the second time that night, head spinning.

My God…that snake was poisonous…

And then she knew no more.

--------------------

Lyonesse shot up in bed, her pulse racing, her mouth open in an unheard scream.  The darkness was all around her, surrounding her, suffocating her.  She looked around her and took a few ragged breaths, calming herself down from her hysteria.

She heard two quiet sounds on either side of her and glanced down to see Snowtips moving closer to her and Nils muttering softly.  The storm wasn’t yet over with outside—it had been going for quite a while now.  It sounded like it was going to start up again…

Lyonesse gasped and turned so fast that her neck might have snapped it if had already been injured in any way.  The clock was on her nightstand, the numbers sharp and clear, and Lyonesse felt her heart skip a beat when she saw what they read.

3:19.