| Reviews (10) | Split screen for review |
Lonely Shadow
by Hestia Hesperus
Inspired by Charlotte Church and Billy Gilman's "Dream a Dream". However, unlike the song in this video, the only melody is what is being sung, and there isn't any background help.
Thanks to Anne for looking it over and James for beta-ing...and I wouldn't be lying if I said that he inspired a lot of Sirius' thoughts and speech as well. Y mid tymode. :-)
Cold.
Lonely.
Darkness.
The walls were closing in on him, he couldn't see, he couldn't breathe…
And then they came. With wispy robes and skeletal hands, the raspy, rattling intakes of breath—the sound he had come to hate most in the world…
“No,” he moaned. “No, please, no…”
He tried to fend them off. Tried to think of the happy moments in his life…but there were none. He couldn't remember anything that had kept him happy, sane…
“I didn't kill them…I'm innocent…please…”
But those thoughts that should have brought him enough strength to fight them off, didn't. They advanced on him, relentless, their skeletal hands reaching out to him, pulling him closer, their mouths open and gaping.
No, he thought desperately. No, please, I don't deserve this…I didn't do anything…no…no…NO!
Sirius awoke, gasping for breath.
His heart thudded in his chest and his hands were shaking—eyes flitting about the dark room as if expecting a dementor to arise out of the shadows, coming for him…
“Sirius, shh…calm down, love…it was just a nightmare…” a calm voice spoke.
He felt a soothing hand on his forehead and he slowly eased himself back down to lay next to the woman he loved. Her presence soothed him, like taking a breath of fresh, mountain air in a place where every breath he took was poison filling his lungs.
“Letha,” he croaked, feeling for her hand. She gave it to him and kissed his head, stroking his hair.
“I'm here, love. I'll always be here. I won't ever leave you, you know that. No matter what happens…”
“I was there…in my cell…the dementors came for me, they had orders to Kiss me…I couldn't fight them, Letha, I wasn't strong enough…” he said, pain in his voice.
“Oh honey, it wasn't real. I know it seemed like it…but it was only a dream, a very bad dream. Everything is all right now…you're safe…you're with me,” she said, bringing him closer.
He buried his head in her chest. The quiet, rhythmic beatings of her heart calmed him down and he took a few shaky breaths.
Aletha hugged him tight, worry etched across her face. He kept having these nightmares…and there was nothing she could do except for hug him and tell him they weren't real anymore.
Fat load of help that's doing right now, she thought bitterly. I just wish there was something more I could do. Whipping up a Dreamless Potion is certainly out of the question. They only stop the nightmares for a while and, if you stop taking it, they come back with full force, worse than before. I won't get him addicted to something like that. I just…
I just don't know what to do anymore…
A familiar wailing greeted their ears and Harry's face appeared into view, white in the darkness and crumpled up in sadness.
“Aww, baby, come here,” Letha cooed, and Sirius scooted over so Harry could fit in between them. They both hugged him and kissed him and his wails continued on for only a bit longer before they simmered to only deep shuddering breaths and the occasional moan.
“Looks like I'm not the only one awake because of nightmares,” Sirius whispered, stroking his godson's face.
“Yeah,” Letha murmured, the sick feeling in her stomach growing. If only there was something I could do about it…
She looked at the shadowy faces of Sirius and Harry, hugging her tightly and cuddling with each other, the younger boy breathing into her pajama shirt and sucking his thumb…something he never did.
They both had dark pasts and things to be frightened of. It was true that they were now safe from both of them, but in nightmares….
In the nightmares, there was no running away from dementors; they always caught up with you in the end. And in his dreams, Harry would always be stuck in that dreadful cupboard of his uncle and aunt's, always dark, always alone…
Aletha's heart tore as she thought about the two she loved most in the world, wracked with torment and grief from something she could do nothing about.
She stroked her husband's face and wiped away the tearstains on his cheek. Then she opened her mouth and began to sing.
When the night is still
And the sea is calm
Lonely shadow…you fall upon
me…
Harry stirred and looked up at the sound of her voice, wiping away at his own tears, sniffling.
“Le…tha…” he said, as if confirming the fact that she was there with him.
Sirius, meanwhile, had closed his eyes and felt a peace wash over him as she started singing.
And in that moment alone, lying in bed with his future wife and godson, everything was all right.
Lay by my side
Fear not tonight
Lonely shadow…you'll find a new light
A smile drifted across her face at the words and appeared in her voice, as she unknowingly gave them hope and something to look forward to. Bad things had happened before…but Sirius and Harry were safe now. Safe with her and Remus and Danger and Neenie.
Safe…far away from the rest of the world and those that wanted them dead. This was their haven…and they were protected in it. Because as long as she was living, she would never let another being, man or creature, harm those she loved.
Her voice scaled and she reached a higher note which sounded sweetly across the room with the next few lines.
Dream a dream
And see through angel's
eyes
A place where we can fly away…
A brightness kindled in Sirius’ gray eyes and he closed them, conjuring up a dream he had once before, with him soaring away from the dark wizarding prison—not swimming in the ocean like he had done with Moony, but flying away on the back of a magnificent midnight-black horse with wings rising and falling on either side…
Ride with me
Upon a shining star
Above the moonlit sky
We will find—
And in his mind's eye, they landed on the ground, at long last, a lion and a wolf coming out to greet them. And he changed into his own Animagus form and, together with the winged horse, they all began running. Towards home, towards freedom, towards their haven…
Elysium!
Sirius opened his eyes again at the pause in her singing, his vision vanishing at once.
But it didn't happen like that. We are still in danger— He gave a wry smile at the unintended pun, but it fell away at the somberness of his words. The danger of being found out, the danger of having to run again, the danger of never finding our true haven…
A familiar wave of worry struck him once more. What if they never found Wormtail? The bastard had been hiding this long…but what if he had got himself killed by some prowling alley cat?
All chance of Sirius being found and tried with a real trial, convincing the Wizengamot of his innocence, would be destroyed. There was no way they would believe him if he didn't have any proof…they would just think he had tampered with the Veritaserum they were bound to give him by using some means of the Dark Arts.
This is it, he thought with a sinking feeling. I never will find my own Elysium…I will be in hiding forever…or at least, until they finally catch me by setting the dementors on me, with the order that they can Kiss me upon my finding…
A deep shudder wracked his body once more as his thoughts fell again into the horrors of his nightmare, the cold rotting hands, the rattling breath, his very life being sucked away from him and into the demon that held him captive…
But then comforting arms surrounded him once more and he looked up into Letha's eyes, surprised to find them brimming with tears. “Listen to me,” they were silently saying. “Please don't give up, Sirius…there is hope still.”
Her voice sang out.
Hear the nightingale
Sing a lullaby
Lonely shadows…you'll find a new light
She had trembled at these words, as though she was trying with all of her heart to believe it herself while the hoard of all their adversaries bore down upon them.
But then a will, far stronger than Sirius’ and Letha's own, broke through those doubts fiercely and replaced them with a knowing that was belief in its highest extent.
‘We will survive,’ she seemed to be saying. ‘We will get through this. And I will make you try your hardest, Sirius, to make it work if you so much as think for one minute that it won't.’
Dawn will be kind
All will be bright
Lonely shadow…rise from the darkness
Sirius took a deep breath at the resilience in her words. She's right. What is it that Dumbledore always used to say? “By thinking we will fail, we will be bringing about our failing.”
I must have faith. I must have the hope that, even in the face of all odds…I will be with Letha forever and we will raise a family of our own.
He looked down at the now-sleeping Harry in his arms, calmed and soothed by Letha's singing. It seemed to have guided him off to his own Elysium in his dreams, for a small smile flitted across the one-year-old's face before hiding away again.
Dream a dream
And see through angel's eyes
A place where we can fly away…
Sirius looked back up again into the beautiful brown eyes of his own fiancée. He could lose himself in those brilliant pools of color that seemed to hold everything that was Letha. With a sudden rush of adoring love, he gathered her in his arms and kissed her face in thanks for giving him hope.
Ride with me
Upon a shining star
Above the moonlit sky, my soul…
You have given me so much, Letha…love, life, hope…I just wish I deserved it. How can I tell you how much you mean to me? It's not really something I can find in simple words alone…
But the look on her face told him that, somehow…she knew. Without him having to say anything, without him having to speak at all, she knew what he wanted to tell her. She knew how much she meant to him, she knew how much he loved her, she knew that he didn't think himself worthy of that love…
“Oh, Sirius,” she suddenly said, breaking away from the song for one moment, holding his face in her hands. “If only you knew how much you mean to me.”
He opened his mouth as if to argue that he couldn't possibly mean anything to her, but she stalled him by singing again.
We'll dream a dream
“I love you, Sirius—mind, body, heart, and soul. I always have and I always will. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing…”
“But I…” he croaked. “I don't deserve you, Letha. I don't deserve any of this. Moony, Danger, breaking out of Azkaban…Harry…you…I don't deserve any of this.”
She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, as if she knew that this was something she could cure.
And see through angel's eyes
“You…don't think you're worth this,” said Letha. “But fortunately…what you think about yourself will never sway what we think about you. And in our eyes…you're worth every bit of us and more.”
“You're wrong,” he said roughly. “I'm not worth any of it. Not by a long shot.”
She snuggled up to him, her back against his chest, his arms around her body and resting on Harry.
A place where we can fly away…
“Mm,” she replied softly into Harry's hair. “Then I guess we've got a long way to go, because I am making it my life's goal to show you how much you mean to us all, so that someday…you will know just what you truly deserve.”
There was a silence as he digested this. He looked over at her. “You do know how incredibly stubborn you are?”
She smiled and looked up at him, arching her neck in a way that showed she was allowing him to kiss her. “And you do know that's like the pot calling the kettle black?”
He gave her a rogue grin, back to his old self again, and she could see that she had done her job.
“But I am a Black,” he said. “As you soon will be…”
Then he leaned in and took the bait, kissing her soundly. Because, although his demons still raged inside his head, and although his dreams still kept him awake at nights…they were just that.
Dreams.
We'll dream a dream
And see through angel's eyes
A place where we can fly away…
Elysium…
Don't forget to review and tell me what you thought!